POETIC HUMOUR

POETIC HUMOUR

BY

OVERLORD DON MANUEL IHCAKEYNO

CQ QLTS 3 DMMRCS,CQ QLTS 3 DHYPTS,GQN,WMHQ.

LION

A MAN WALKED DOWN A LONELY AVENUE AND SUDDENLY HE SAW A LION! HE RAN OFF SHOUTING AT THE TOP OF HIS VOICE! LION! LION!!

AND A MAN SITTING AT A CORNER KIOSK HEARD HIM SHOUTING LION! LION!! AS HE RAN PAST THE CORNER KIOSK! WHAT A WAY TO CALL TO THY PET! I ALSO HAVE A DOG NAMED TIGER! STATED THE MAN!

THE PRICE OF THE COCK

A WOMAN STOLE A COCK AND TOOK IT TO THE MARKET TO SELL IT, WHILST AT THE MARKET, SMARTER THIEVES STOLE THE COCK FROM HER AND SHE WENT BACK HOME SOBER!

ON HER ARRIVAL AT HER HOUSE, AN INQUISITIVE NEIGHBOUR ASKED, DEAR NEIGHBOUR, YOUR COCK WHICH YOU TOOK TO THE MARKET, HOW MUCH DID YOU SELL IT? SHE ASKED AND THE SOBER WOMAN REPLIED, IT WAS SOLD FOR EXACTLY THE SAME PRICE FOR WHICH IT WAS BOUGHT!

THE COIN AND A BOY

WHY DO YOU LOOK SO UNHAPPY SONNY? A MAN ASKED A YOUNG LAD WHO HE MET ON THE WAY TO HIS STALL!  AND THE BOY REPLIED THUS, SAYING, I LOST MY COIN, AND AS I CRIED, A MAN GAVE ME ANOTHER COIN! HE STATED, AND THE INQUISITIVE MAN ASKED AGAIN, IF THAT BE SO, THEN WHY DO YOU LOOK SO UNHAPPY STILL? AND THE BOY REPLIED, OH,NOW THAT I HAVE THIS COIN, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN TWO COINS WITH ME INSTEAD OF ONE, IF I HADNT LOST MY COIN! HE STATED

THE MAN AND THE ROBBERS

A MAN HAD GONE TO HIS BANK AND WITHDREW A LARGE SUM OF MONEY,AND ON HIS WAY BACK, HE SUDDENLY HAPPENED UPON A CREW OF ROBBERS AND HE TURNED BACK AND RAN AWAY AS FAST AS HIS LEGS COULD RUN!

AS HE RAN AWAY, HE SUDDENLY RAN INTO A CREW OF NIGERIAN POLICEMEN! AND THE MAN WAS FLABBERGASTED, HE DIDN’T KNOW WHICH WAY TO RUN ANYMORE AND HE SUDDENLY TURNED BACK AND BEGAN TO RUN TOWARDS THE ROBBERS AND HE SHOUTED AS HE RAN,WAIT MR ROBBER! WAIT!

THE SURPRISED ROBBERS STOOD WHILE HE CAME TO THEM AND HUMBLY HANDED THE MONEY OVER TO THEM, AND ONE OF THEM ASKED, WHY DID YOU RETURN TO GIVE US THE MONEY WE WANTED TO ROB YOU OF? AND HE REPLIED, OH, AS I RAN AWAY FROM YOU, I RAN INTO A CREW OF NIGERIAN POLICEMEN! AND I DECIDED TO COME BACK AND GIVE YOU ROBBERS THE MONEY INSTEAD!

A CURIOUS ROBBER ASKED, WHY DID YOU PREFER TO GIVE US THE MONEY? AND THE MAN SAID, OH, WELL, YOU ROBBERS WOULD ROB ME AND LEAVE ME ALIVE, BUT THE NIGERIAN POLICEMEN WOULD ROB ME, THEN SHOOT ME DEAD AND TELL THE WORLD THAT I WAS THE ROBBER! STATED THE MAN TO THE ASTONISHED ROBBERS

THE PATH TO RIGHTOUSNESS

SOME FRIENDS WERE SEATED AT A BEER PARLOUR DRINKING BEER! ALL OF A SUDDEN A MAN WALKED IN AND SAID,MERRY MEN! A LIQUOR CONTEST IS ABOARD!

HOORAY! SHOUTED THE JOLLY FELLOWS! JUST THEN A PREACHER WALKED IN WITH HIS HOLY SCRIPTURES AND SHOUTED OUT FOR ALL TO HEAR, WIDE IS THE PATH THE LEADS TO DESTRUCTION! REPENT OF THY ALCHOHOLIC WAYS AND FOLLOW THE PATHS OF RIGHTOUSNESS!

JUST THEN A WELL KNOWN WHORE WALKED INTO THE PARLOUR AND ON SIGHTING THE PREACHER, SHE QUICKLY SEIZED HIM BY HIS BELT!

THE SURPRISED FELLOWS ALL CAME TOGETHER AND ENQUIRED OF HER,SAYING,WHAT BE THY PROBLEM THAT YOU TROUBLE THIS RIGHTOUS MAN? AND SHE REPLIED, HE HAS REFUSED TO PAY ME FOR MY SERVICES, THRICE I HAVE ALLOWED HIM MY PLEASURES ON CREDIT, BUT ALAS! TODAY HE MUST PAY!

THE STUNNED FELLOWS ALL BECAME SILENT AND WENT BACK TO THEIR BEER DRINKING!

SOME YOUNG LADS SAT CHATTING MERRILY AND NOISILY WHEN A REVEREND PREACHER WALKED BY AND HE SAID TO THEM, WHAT BE THE CAUSE FOR THY NOISY CHATTER? HE ASKED AND THE CHILDREN REPLIED SAYING, PREACHER, WE HAVE PUT UP OUR SAVINGS FOR A WAGER! HE AMONGST US WHO TELLS THE GREATEST LIE WILL WIN THE WHOLE MONEY! THE PREACHER FROWNED AND SAID, LISTEN BOYS! IT IS NOT A GOOD THING TO TELL LIES! TAKE ME AS AN EXAMPLE! I HAVE NEVER TOLD A LIE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! STATED THE PREACHER! AND THE BOYS QUICKLY GOT UP, PACKED UP THE COINS ON THE FLOOR AND HANDED IT TO THE PREACHER SAYING, YOU WIN SIR! YOURS WAS THE BIGGEST LIE WE HAVE EVER HEARD!

THE WAY TO THE CITY

A CITIZEN CAME ACROSS A NATIVE AND SAID, WHICH WAY I BEG OF THEE’ LEADS TO THE CITY? HE ASKED THE NATIVE WHO REPLIED! OH, EVERY WAY BUT THIS WAY! AND THE SURPRISED CITIZEN ASKED CURIOUSLY, WHAT MEAN YOU BY THAT STATEMENT?  AND THE NATIVE REPLIED, WELL, THIS WAY LEADS TO MY NATIVITY, THAT MUCH I AM SURE OF!

THE SMART NATIVE AND THE FOOLISH CITIZEN

A BUSH MAN WAS TAKEN TO A CITY AND ON ARRIVAL AT THE CITY HE BEGAN TO STARE AT THE MARVELOUS CONSTRUCTIONS BY THE CITY PEOPLE!

A MAN WALKED UP TO HIM WHERE HE STOOD, AND ON NOTICING HIS NATIVE CLOTHINGS, THE MAN INSTANTLY KNEW THAT HE WAS A NOVICE, AND THE MAN WALKED UP TO HIM, CLEARED HIS VOICE AND SAID, HEY MR! WHAT BE THY ERRAND HERE? AND HOW MUCH HAVE YOU PAID FOR THE SIGHTINGS? HE ASKED THE BAFFLED NATIVE WHO REPLIED, PAID? I DIDN’T THAT I HAD TO PAY TO LOOK AT BUILDINGS! AND THE CONMAN QUICKLY RETORTED! AHA! YOU HAVE COMMITED A CRIME KNOWN AS LOOKERY BY CREDIT! AND IF YOU FAIL TO PAY, YOU WILL EARN A JAIL TERM OF SIX MONTHS! HE STATED AND THE NATIVE SAID, OH PARDON ME SIR, I HAVE ONLY LOOKED AT THREE BUILDINGS! THE CUNNING CITIZEN SPOKE, SAYING, THAT WOULD BE THREE DOLLARS! A DOLLAR FOR A BUILDING! THE NATIVE PAID THE MONEY AND WALKED OFF SMILING MISCHIEVIOUSLY AS HE TOUGHT TO HIMSELF! FOOLISH CITIZEN,I HAVE LOOKED AT ALMOST ALL THE BUILDINGS IN THIS CITY AND I PAID FOR ONLY THREE BUILDINGS!

CATTLE FOOD

AN ELDERLY NATIVE WENT VISITING AT A CITY, AND ON HIS ARRIVAL, HIS HOST QUICKLY TOOK HIM TO AN EXPENSIVE RESTAURANT FOR A WELCOME MEAL!

WHAT WILL BE YOUR ORDER TODAY SIR? A WAITRESS ASKED THE CITIZEN AND HE REPLIED, MY USUAL WOULD BE IN ORDER! AND THE WAITRESS TURNED TO THE ELDERLY NATIVE AND SAID, SIR! WHAT WOULD BE YOUR ORDER? AND THE NATIVE REPLIED, MY USUAL WOULD BE IN ORDER!

THE WAITRESS ASSUMING THAT THEY BOTH WANTED THE CITIZEN’S USUAL PLATE OF VEGETABLE SALAD,WALKED OFF TO GET THE FOOD.

ON HER RETURN WITH THE FOOD, THE CITIZEN IMMEDIATTELY BEGAN TO EAT HIS FOOD,WHILE THE ELDERLY NATIVE SAT FROWNING AT THE PLATE OF SALAD PLACED BEFORE HIM, AFTER A WHILE, HE ASKED HIS HOST, DEAR FRIEND, WAS YOURS WELL COOKED? MINE LOOKS AS IF IT WASN’T EVEN COOKED AT ALL!

BUSINESS IT IS

AN AFRICAN MAN WAS SEATED WITH A BRITISH MAN AND A CHINESE MAN AT AN OPEN BAR SIPPING BEER,WHEN SUDDENLY A SWARM OF FLIES SWARMED AROUND THEM AND FELL INTO THEIR DRINKS!

THE BRITISH MAN THREW AWAY HIS BEER AND THE GLASS CUP HE WAS DRINKING WITH!

THE AFRICAN MAN REMOVED THE FLY IN HIS CUP OF BEER AND GULPED DOWN THE REST OF HIS BEER!

THE CHINESE MAN TOOK OUT THE FLY IN HIS CUP OF BEER, LOOKED AT THE FLY AND THEN THREW IT INTO HIS MOUTH AND CHEWED IT UP AND ALSO WASHED IT DOWN WITH HIS GLASS OF BEER!

THE AFRICAN MAN QUICKLY SAT UP AND SAID, FRIEND, IT IS OBVIOUS THAT THIS KIND OF FLIES MAY BE A RARE DELICACY WHERE YOU COME FROM, THERE ARE SO MUCH OF IT HERE, I SUGGEST WE START EXPORTING IT TO YOUR COUNTRY!

A MAN WELL KNOWN FOR DOING GREAT FEATS WAS TALKED INTO ACCEPTING TO BECOME A WRESTLER!

THE MAN WHO COULD LIFT AS MUCH AS ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY KILOGRAMMS TOUGHT HIMSELF VERY MIGHTY INDEED!

ON THE DAY OF THE FIGHT, HE PRANCED INTO THE WRESTLING RING AND AS SOON AS HE HEARD THE SOUND OF THE BELL, HE WENT AT HIS OPPONENT WITH THE INTENTION TO LIFT HIM OFF THE GROUND FOR A SLAM, AND HIS OPPONENT IMMEDIATTELY BOXED HIM INTO A COMA!

WHEN HE REGAINED CONSCIOUSNESS, HE CALLED OUT TO HIS ADVICERS AND SAID, FRIENDS, YOU TOLD ME THAT I WAS COMING TO BECOME A WRESTLER! HOW THEN SENT YOU A MAN WITH THE FISTS OF A SLEDGE HAMMER TO COME AND SLAY ME? HE ASKED

THE PEACOCK

 A MAN SAW A YOUNG MAN WITH A MULTI COLOURED HAIR STYLE, AND HE STOPPED THE YOUNG MAN AND SAID TO HIM, SON, DO YOU BY ANY CHANCE HAVE A PEACOCK IN YOUR ANCESTRAL BACKGROUND? HE ASKED AND THE YOUNG MAN REPLIED,NO SIR!, WHY DO YOU ASK? HE QUERIED AND THE MAN REPLIED SAYING, WELL YOU CERTAINLY LOOK LIKE A PEACOCK!

BUMP

A BLIND MAN WAS WALKING GENTLY DOWN A LANE WITH HIS WALKING STICK WHEN HE SUDDENLY BUMPED INTO SOMETHING VERY BIG AND FIRM, HE SHRIEKED AND SHOUTED FOR HELP SAYING, SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME! THERE IS AN ELEPHANT ON THE LOOSE! JUST AS HE SHOUTED, A STRONG MALE VOICE RETORTED, SHUSH YOUR MOUTH OLD MAN! THAT’S MY MA YOU BUMPED INTO!

LILY-ANN’S DAUGHTER

SOME MEN WERE BUSY WITH THEIR MASON’S WORK WHEN A YOUNG LADY SASHAYED BY DOWN THE LANE!

IS THAT NOT LILY-ANN’S DAUGHTER WALKING DOWN THE LANE? ASKED THE FIRST MAN,

AYE! I AM SURE YOU’D KNOW A LOT ABOUT LILY-ANN’S DAUGHTER!

SAID THE SECOND MAN,

YEAH! LILY-ANN WAS FAMOUS IN HER DAY, I TELL YOU!

SAID THE THIRD MAN,

OH, YES! I WAS TOLD SHE WAS MY DAUGHTER UNTIL I PAID TO BE LET GO!

SAID THE FOURTH MAN,

SO DID I ! SAID THE FIFTH MAN,

IT IS WELL THEN! WE ALL HELPED IN MAKING HER EXIST, SO LET HER EXIST!

SAID THE FIRST MAN!

BIRMINGTON AND YORKS!

AS SIR JOHN BIRMINGTON AND SIR HARRY YORKS WERE STROLLING DOWN THE AVENUE, A COP WALKED BY, MORNING OFFICER DOLBY! GREETED THE DUO, AND THE OFFICER TIPPED HIS HAT TO THEM AND CONTINUED WALKING DOWN THE LANE!

HAS HE PAID HIS RENT THIS MONTH? SIR BIRMINGTON ASKED SIR YORKS, AND SIR YORKS REPLIED, OH YES! FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE HE BECAME MY TENANT, HIS RENT CAME IN DUE TIME!

AS THEY WALKED ON, ANOTHER MAN, A RASTA MAN FROM AFRICA WALKED BY AND GREETED! GOODDAY MON! FEEL’A’IRE TODAY? HE SAID AND SIR YORKS REPLIED, YAH MON! I FEEL IRE!  AND SIR BIRMINGTON ASKED, HARRY, WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT? AND SIR BOLDS REPLIED, OH,IT’S MY KNEW TENANT FROM ETHIOPIA, HE IS A RASTA MAN!

JUST THEN ANOTHER MAN WALKED BY AND SIR BOLDS TURNED TO SIR BIRMINGTON AND SAID, THERE GOES OLD BONGOS! HIS WIFE JUST GAVE BIRTH TO THE FOURTH SET OF TWINS THIS YEAR! AND SIR BIRMINGTON LOOKED AT THE FELLOW WITH DROOPY SHOULDERS AND RETORTED, WHY HE HASN’T FLED FROM HOME IS WHAT I AM YET TO UNDERSTAND!

AND SIR BOLDS REPLIED, I HEAR THAT HE PREFERS SUICIDE TO ABSCONDMENT!

SAID THE OLD GENTLEMAN AS THEY CONTINUED ON THEIR DAILY WALKS DOWN OLD YORKS LANE!

DEAR OLD GOODAL!

GOODAL WAS A MAN LOVED BY ALL,ESPECIALLY BY HIS HORSE!

GOODAL WOULD DRINK OF HIS BEER AND GIVE A SIP TO HIS HORSE!

GOODAL WOULD EAT OF HIS PIE AND GIVE A BIT TO HIS HORSE!

SO LOVED WAS GOODAL’S HORSE THAT HE SHARED EVERYTHING WITH THE HORSE!

YEAH,MANY SUSPECTED THAT EVEN HIS BEDROOM PLEASURES WAS SHARED WITH THE HORSE!

THE HAWK AND THE RODENT

A RAT FLED ON SIGHTING A HAWK SOARING IN THE CLOUDS ABOVE!

THE HAWK SAW A RAT FLEEING ON SIGHTING IT!

WHAT BE IT’S PROBLEM!

THE FLEEING RODENT SHOULD HAVE ASKED TO KNOW IF I EAT RAT MEAT, WHICH I DON’T!

TOUGHT THE POMPOUS HAWK.

THE OLD MAN’S DREAM

AN OLD MAN SAT AROUND A CAMP FIRE WITH HIS GRANDCHILDREN!

AND HE BEGAN TO TELL THEM OF HIS DREAMS!

I ONCE DREAMT THAT I WAS THE KING OF ENGLAND!

STATED THE OLD MAN! AND HIS FIRST GRANDCHILD REPLIED, IT MUST HAVE BEEN A SERIOUS ISSUE OF HAY FEVER!

AND THE OLD MAN SPOKE AGAIN AND SAID, I ONCE DREAMT THAT I COULD FLY LIKE AN EAGLE!

 AND HIS SECOND GRANDSON REPLIED, IT DEFINITELY SOUNDS LIKE THE SYMPTOMS OF MALARIA!

THE OLD MAN SPOKE AGAIN AND SAID, I ALSO DREAMT THAT YOU MY GRANDSONS WERE VERY RICH AND MIGHTY LORDS!

AND THE FIRST GRANDCHILD REPLIED AND SAID TO HIS BROTHER,

AHA! OF COURSE THAT MUST BE IT! GRANDPA IS VERY HEALTHY! INFACT,HIS DREAMS ARE AS HEALTHY AS HE IS!

BUYING AND SELLING

GOODAY SIR!

SAID A MAN TO MR SWANSON,

HELLO DEAR FRIEND! WHAT MAY I DO FOR YOU?

HE ASKED THE GENTLEMAN, AND THE MAN REPLIED,

I WOULD LIKE TO GIVE YOU MY CARD, PLEASE DO TRY AND PATRONISE MY SHOP! I WILL SELL AT A DISCOUNT PRICE TO YOU! STATED THE MAN AND WALKED AWAY,

WHAT DOES HE SELL? MR SWANSON ASKED HIS GRANDSON WHO REPLIED,

THAT IS MR ROLAND THE CASKET SELLER!

JUST CINEMA

A CHILD CONTINUED TO BOTHER HIS FATHER, A NAVAL OFFICER, SAYING,

PAPA, IT IS A MOVIE THAT YOU’D LIKE! OUR SCHOOL TEACHER SAYS THAT IT IS A GOOD AND HEROIC MOVIE!

AND THE NAVAL OFFICER ASKED, WHAT IS THE TITLE OF THIS MOVIE?

PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN! REPLIED THE YOUNG BOY.

THE MOVIE

A PREACHERS SON KEPT PESTERING HIS FATHER TO TAKE HIM TO SEE A MOVIE,

HIS FATHER SUDDENLY GOT TIRED AND ACCEPTED TO TAKE HIM TO SEE THE MOVIE,

ON THEIR ARRIVAL AT THE CINEMA, THE MAN BOUGHT THE TICKETS AND ASKED THE TICKET SELLER FOR THE TITLE OF THIS MUCH ANNOUNCED MOVIE,

JOURNEY TO HELL! REPLIED THE MAN

BACK TO ALCATRAZ

A MAN WHO HAD ESCAPED FROM THE PRISONS GOT TO HIS HOUSE AND AS SOON AS HE FINNISHED DRINKING A CUP OF WATER, HE TURNED ON THE TELEVISION AND ON SEEING THE TITLE OF THE MOVIE SHOWING TELEVISION, HE FAINTED!

IT WAS A MOVIE TITLED, BACK TO ALCATRAZ!

ODDITIES OF LIFE

 A MAN HAD JUST ESCAPED FROM A PSYCHIATRIC FACILITY AND ON HIS RETURN HOME, HIS DAUGHTER WAS HAVING HER WEDDING PARTY! HE QUICKLY PUT ON HIS BEST SUIT AND WENT TO GET INTRODUCED TO HIS NEW GRANDSON,

DADDY MEET HENDERSON MY NEW HUSBAND, HE IS A PSYCHIATRIST!

COINCIDENCES

A MAN WENT TO A MATERNAL HOSPITAL WITH HIS PREGNANT WIFE!

AT THE HOSPITAL, THERE WERE OTHER MEN WAITING FOR THEIR PREGNANT WIVES ALSO!

SOON, THE DOCTOR CAME OUT AND ADDRESSED THE FIRST MAN SAYING, CONGRATULATIONS FRIEND! MAY I BE PRIVILEDGED TO KNOW WHERE YOU WORK? THE DOCTOR ASKED AND THE MAN REPLIED, I WORK AT TWO WAY MANUFACTURING COMPANY! STATED THE MAN AND THE DOCTOR SAID, WHAT A COINCIDENCE! YOUR WIFE JUST GAVE BIRTH TO TWIN SONS! THE DOCTOR STATED AND EVERYONE CONGRATULATED THE FELLOW AS THE DOCTOR WENT BACK TO HIS DUTIES,

SEVERAL MINUTES LATER,THE DOCTOR CAME OUT AND SAID TO THE SECOND MAN, WHERE DO YOU WORK SIR? HE ASKED AND THE MAN REPLIED, I WORK AT THREE CROWN INDUSTRIES! OH MY GOODNESS! WHAT A COINCIDENCE AGAIN! YOUR WIFE JUST GAVE BIRTH TO TRIPLETS! STATED THE DOCTOR AND WENT BACK TO HIS DUTIES WHILE EVRYONE CONGRATULATED THE MAN!

TEN MINUTES LATER,THE DOCTOR CAME OUT AND ASKED THE LAST MAN FOR HIS PLACE OF WORK, THE MAN IMMEDIATTELY GOT UP AND FLED FROM THE HOSPITAL AND WAS STOPPED BY THE SECURITY MEN WHO BROUGHT HIM BACK TO THE DOCTOR,

WHAT BE THY PROBLEM? THE DOCTOR ENQUIRED OF THE FLEEING MAN, AND HE REPLIED, YOU CAME OUT AND ASKED THE FIRST MAN FOR HIS PLACE OF WORK AND IT TURNS OUT THAT HE WORKS FOR TWO WAY COMPANY AND HIS WIFE GAVE BIRTH TO TWINS! THE OTHER FELLOW WORKS WITH THREE CROWN INDUSTRIES AND HIS WIFE GAVE BIRTH TO TRIPLETS! WELL, I WORK WITH SEVEN-UP BOTTLING COMPANY!

LUCY’S KINDNESS

A MAN HAD AN ATTACK OF ASTMA AND FAINTED,

WHEN HE WOKE UP, HE LOOKED AROUND AT THE PEOPLE STARING AT HIM AND SAID,

AHOY! WHAT HAPPENED TO ME PLEASE? HE ASKED, AND A KIND PEERSON REPLIED SAYING, YOU FAINTED AND WAS ONLY REVIVED WHEN A MOUTH TO MOUTH RESUSICATION WAS GIVEN TO YOU BY THIS KIND LADY HERE! HE SAID POINTING AT A PRETTY YOUNG GIRL STANDING SOME METERS AWAY!

THE MAN TURNED TO SAY THANK YOU TO THE GIRL AND SUDDELY RECALLED!

AHA! ARE YOU NOT GUTTER BREATH LUCY? HE ASKED THE RATHER ASHAMED GIRL!

A PENNY FOR THE ERRAND

A BOY WHO RAN ERRANDS FOR FOLKS ALONG HIS STREET JUST TO EARN PITENDS TO AFFORDS HIS BUBBLE-GUMS AND TOFFEE’S WAS CALLED BY A FRIENDLY NEIGHBOUR!

CLARENCE! COME HERE FOR A MINUTE! SAID MR ARCHIBALD TO THE YOUNG LAD WHO RELUCTANTLY CAME TO MR ARCHIBALD, CLARENCE! DO KINDLY TAKE MY SHOES TO THE COBBLER DOWN THE ROAD FOR A GOOD SHINE! HE SAID AND GAVE CLARENCE TWO PENNIES SAYING, A PENNY FOR THE SHINE AND A PENNY FOR YOU!

CLARENCE TURNED TO LOOK AT THE MAN AND SAID, SIR ARCHIE! ALL MY LIFE, YOU’VE ALWAYS GIVEN ME A PENNY FOR EVERY ERRAND, WHEN WILL I BE OLD ENOUGH TO EARN TWO PENNY’S FROM YOU? HE ASKED THE SURPRISED GENTLEMAN.

NO ONE BUT A WITNESS

A RANCHER HEARD HIS FEROCIOUS FARM DOG BARKING LOUDLY AND HE QUICKLY GOT UP TO TAKE A LOOK AND HE SAW A MAN BEING BITTEN MERCILESSLY BY THE MEAN DOG, HIS WIFE SHOUTED OUT FROM THE KITCHEN SAYING, BART! WHO’S AT THE DOOR? SHE ASKED AND HE REPLIED AS HE GENTLY CLOSED BACK HIS FRONT PORCH DOOR, NO ONE DEAR, JUST A JEHOVA’S WITNESS!

THE NEWMAN

A MAN WAS TRANSFERRED FROM HIS WORK PLACE TO A NEW LOCATION, AND ON HIS ARRIVAL THERE HE WAS MET BY THE FORMER WORKER THERE, HELLO MATE! ARE YOU THE NEW MAN? ENQUIRED THE WORKER AND THE MAN REPLIED, WOW! YOU ALREADY KNOW MY NAME! HI I AM PAUL NEWMAN!